who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
