i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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