Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
