you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
