That's intense
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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