you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
