I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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