Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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