So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
