So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
