i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
