He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
