Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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