You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
