so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
