this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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