I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
