and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
