Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
