At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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