Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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