I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
