yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
