I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
