I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
