HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
