Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There are leaves in my underwear?
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