its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
