there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
