When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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