Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
