the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
