you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You can't motorboat a personality
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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