I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
