cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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