I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
