how can u be prego again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
