so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
