whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
