Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
