I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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