I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
