Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
