Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
