Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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