she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
