So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
