I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
