the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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