lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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