I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
