I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
