I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
