she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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