Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize