So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
