I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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