Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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