She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
