Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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