I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
