Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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