did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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