Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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