we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
