Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
