well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
