We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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