If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
