Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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