u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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