Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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